If you know anything about pageants you probably know a little about the good, bad, and weird aspects of them. Everyone has an opinion but the important thing to remember about beauty and scholarship pageants is that they’re not all the same. There are many systems out there and contestants have different reasons for participating in them.

I started competing in small town festival pageants as a pre-teen in the early 2000s and eventually discovered the Miss America organization as a college student. Competing in scholarship pageants turned out to be a very fun experience, but also one that required intense preparation and stepping way outside of my comfort zone. Regardless of how many titles a contestant walks away with at the end of her pageant journey, working through her personal insecurities and learning more about herself is the ultimate payoff.

Taking my first steps on a local stage as a contestant was intimidating. I had no idea what I was doing, but I had this gnawing hunger to win a local title and compete in something a little bigger than the Miss Tabouleh Festival pageant in my hometown. I knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight and that it would be challenging, but I was willing to try.

Putting all of the basic preparation aside, (diet, exercise, walking in heels, wardrobe selection, talent rehearsal, hair and makeup) the most important phase of the competition is the private interview, where you are given nine minutes and thirty seconds of the judges attention to prove that you deserve to win. You introduce yourself and they immediately begin rapidly firing questions at you about everything under the sun. They typically ask about your personal life and career ambitions, opinions on political and social issues, pop culture and current events, why you want to win the title and how you plan to serve your community for the next year if you do. For a confident, well educated and well-rounded individual who is aware of the direction her life is going, this interview is a piece of cake. For someone who is not quite on that level it can be an intimidating experience. After doing this multiple times you start to get the hang of it, learn more about yourself and get better at interviewing in general. Another benefit is that job interviews seem so easy in comparison, mostly because you aren’t expected to solve all of the world’s problems in a timely manner.

Accepting the reality that you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea is a hard lesson to learn, but is as vital in pageants as it is in the real world. I competed fourteen times before I won. Occasionally I would be named runner up or win talent or swimsuit, but it took a while to really achieve my goal. The lesson I eventually learned from the times I walked away with ‘nothing’ was that I never actually walked away with nothing. Shortly after the disappointment of not winning had worn off, the fire reignited and I was eager to figure out what I could have done better and ready to try again. I wasn’t worried about how many attempts it was going to take to get there. The main concern I had was my ability to embrace constructive criticism, failure, and rejection without allowing it to destroy my self-worth. I also learned not to worry too much about what other people think of me. One year I actually found myself competing almost every weekend, and the way I remedied my fear of disappointing people was to enter and compete without telling anyone. You would think that having people there to support you would be comforting, but I found that I was more nervous when I knew who was in the audience as opposed to just having a bunch of strangers out there.

Cut to the night I was crowned – I felt great about my interview that morning and was anxious to hit the stage that night. Every part of the on stage competition flew by and before I knew it we were lined up for awards and crowning. It was a tough competition that year with twenty + contestants, all exceptionally smart and talented. As the runners up began being announced I stood at the back of the stage in awe of every single one of them, feeling more and more nervous in knowing that they all worked just as hard as I did and wanted it just as badly. Time stood still when it came down to announcing who had won. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. After I heard my name called I had this bizarre experience where I couldn’t hear anything, and knew that I needed to move but I had trouble getting my feet to carry me forward. I was overwhelmed. As I stood there being crowned and sashed and looking out into the audience I noticed the judges stand up as they were applauding. I didn’t necessarily enter the competition seeking validation from that group of highly successful strangers, but that validated me. Simply put I had a dream come true moment and a feeling of serious accomplishment that was a long time coming. It was very cool.

I understand that its impossible to fully measure the value of a person based on their pageant scores in five categories. I knew from the beginning that winning a crown would not define my worth as a person or make any major changes to my life. How I use the knowledge and experience I’ve taken away is entirely up to me. The friendships and experiences I gained from pageants have already helped me in several areas of my life, and that to me has been worth it.